 The
DosX's Files: Spooky Brew
Agent Sudzy slipped into her rubber gloves as she knelt over the charred
remains. Agent Malter wandered around the wooded site as he listened to
Sheriff Prosit. "We get calls about once a month. Strange sweet-bitter
odors, glowing lights, and odd noises." |
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"What's this doing out here?" Asked Malter, puzzling over the old wood
burning cook stove. It showed no signs of rust or age. |
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"This used to be the Adam house. Legend has it that old man Adam brewed
beer on his wife's cook stove back during Prohibition. The local authorities
left him alone because he kept them well supplied. The story goes that
one Halloween he was making a batch for the Mayor when some trick-or-treaters
came to the door. Mrs. Adam was a little strange so the old man passed
out the candy. He was only away from the brew pot for a minute but they
say it boiled over with a vengeance. When his wife saw the kitchen she
knocked him senseless with a iron pan and burned the house to the ground
rather than clean up the mess. Next day, that old stove and his bones were
all that were left. Funny thing about the bones though, there were no ribs
to be found. The Mrs. disappeared too." |
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Agent Malter lifted a burner plate off the stove and poked around inside.
"Someone has used this recently." He continued surveying the area. "Looks
like something's been buried over here." He opened the shallow grave to
find flattened 3.3 pound tin cans covered with a brown fibrous substance
and what looked like flower petals. |
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Just then Sudzy exclaimed, "Ribs!". |
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"Ribs? Like in Adam's ribs?" Malter asked in surprise. |
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"No. Ribs as in barbecued pig. Someone's been out here eating ribs. A lot
of them at that." |
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That night, back at the hotel, Malter sat at his laptop computer writing
his report. Agent Sudzy sat across the room busy with her research work. |
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Official Report; "We have uncovered a conspiracy being conducted at the
local level but with probable ties to an international network. While this
groups activities seem to be harmlessly centered on the appreciation of
self made adult beverages I believe their true objective is some how related
to the construction of public facilities which are dedicated to a single
purpose. We have discovered that their tactical methods are specifically
the avoidance of excises placed on brewed beverages. They have assigned
the code name Sin Tax to their perceived enemy, but, at this time we do
not believe they are apart of any occult activity. Further investigation
into the validity of their 'Better Beer' philosophy is warranted. We are
requesting additional funding to conduct this research." |
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As Malter pointed his mouse at the Save File button, Sudzy jumped to her
feet. "I found it! Atom's Brew Pub, best hand crafted beer and BBQ ribs
in town. Let's Eat". |
Pepe
LePew Brew by Sam Santabarbara
Way back when, in my earlier (but still legal) drinking days, my brothers
and I discovered quickly that Canadian beer had more flavor than bland
American brews. More important, it was nearly the same price. Our beer
of choice for parties and camping was Moosehead. |
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Moosehead beer seemed to have more flavor than comparably priced Canadian
beers with an added bonus. Every now and again you could get a bottle,
or sometimes a six-pack, of what we termed skunkers. For us, getting a
skunker beer was a good thing. It was a prized beer that was to be savored.
Perhaps we thought we were getting a higher alcohol brew or it was more
manly to drink something that smelled of road kill. |
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Now that I am a somewhat educated homebrewer, I have learned that skunk
smelling beer is actually tainted, the result of being light-struck. It
seems certain wavelengths of light (mostly sun and fluorescent) cause an
undesirable reaction when it hits hop oils. Is there a way to Protect our
precious homebrew you ask? Should we cover our bottles with a UV-30 sun block?
Don’t be ridiculous! I tried it and the bottles slip right out of your
hands. |
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Original protection and clear glass no protection). Therefore, it is important
to also keep your beer stored away from light like in a dark closet or
cellar. It has been documented that beer in a clear glass bottle placed
in direct sunlight can become a skunker in 5 to 10 seconds. Apparently,
ruby-red beer bottles would eliminate the problem but this color glass
is very expensive. |
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So remember, when storing or transporting homebrew (like to club meetings)
be sure to protect your little friends from light. However, if you happen
to get a skunker, feel free to send it my way. Wouldn’t want an otherwise
good homebrew to go to waste! |
The
DosX's Files: Dog Eat Dog
"How many dogs can dance on a beer cap?" Malter looked at Agent Sudzie
and waited for her reply.
Agent Sudzie stared at him
the way she always does when he asks one of his bizarre questions. He gestured
to the line of beer bottles displayed on the back Bar. |
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Sudize's eyes ran across the rows of micro-brew beer labels. "I never really
noticed this before". There were red dogs, black dogs; sitting, running
and flying dogs; yellow dogs, brown dogs; big and little dogs; real dogs,
cartoon dogs, peeing dogs and dogs doing things she could not put into
words. Beer dogs everywhere. |
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"Well?", Malter asked. |
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"I think the breweries are trying to make an association between mans-best-friend
and consumer loyalty for their product. I question some of the more graphic
doggie doings but on the whole it is probably a marketing strategy the
works." |
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Malter reached for his pint, "You may be right but I think it is more primitive
than that. More inherent nature, instinct, almost natural selection. Dogs
like beer more than they like trucks." |
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